


Life on Earth

by hope_savaria



Series: Don't Let Go [2]
Category: Gravity (2013), Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Debbie Ocean is Ryan Stone, Eventual Smut, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Heist Wives, Homecoming, Hurt/Comfort, Lou POV, Lou is Houston, Love Confessions, NASA, Near Future, Pining, Post-Canon AU for Gravity, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon AU for Ocean's 8, Reconciliation, Rescue, Reunion, Technobabble, mention of character deaths, mention of near-death experiences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-22 19:57:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19678585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hope_savaria/pseuds/hope_savaria
Summary: Some part of Lou knew she should be thinking of what to do...But the only thing on her mind was Debbie. How could she have let this happen? Had she really become so complacent as to think that space was safe? That sending someone up there didn’t have risks anymore? She had called Debbie for this job, gritted her teeth against the awkward-ness and done it because it was the best thing for the mission. She had briefly considered the emotional risk for herself, but she hadn’t considered the real danger.It wasn’t Debbie’s fault that Lou had called her for the mission. It wasn't Debbie's fault that Lou still loved her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay folks! Here is part two! This is Lou's side of what happened. 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this Crossover AU a lot more than I expected, and I hope everyone enjoys reading it! 
> 
> As usual, many thanks to go_get_your_top_hat for beta-ing (<3 U), and to everyone who writes for this pairing! You're all so wonderful and supportive.

**Setting: the near future, Houston**

The screen at the front of the room fizzled to static as every feed went dead. Lou stared straight ahead, and tried to think, but her mind seemed to have gone blank, too. She was dimly aware of people talking around her – engineers pulling out their phones to check which networks had been lost. Some part of Lou knew she should be thinking of what to do, of checking their radar stations, of surface telescopes. But the only thing on her mind was Debbie. How could she have let this happen? Had she really become so complacent as to think that space was _safe_? That sending someone up there didn’t have _risks_ anymore? She had called Debbie for this job, gritted her teeth against the awkward-ness and done it because it was the best thing for the mission. She had briefly considered the _emotional_ risk for _herself_ , but she hadn’t considered the real danger, beyond a passing assessment of the evacuation protocols and a few handshakes with the crew. God, she was selfish.

“Ma’am? _Ma’am?_ ”

Lou looked around to see a young engineer standing next to her. She recognized him, but his name escaped her. “What?” she answered.

“Pretty much every major network is dead,” he said, “but we have the landlines. I think…” He hesitated, clearly unnerved by her lack of orders. “I think we need to call the surface stations, make sure radar can track the evacuating teams, and that the ground telescopes are keeping an eye out for the extent of the…damage.”

Lou stared back at him, brain whirring to catch up. “You’re a go,” she said finally.

He smiled sympathetically at her and turned to give a thumbs up to the other engineers. Lou watched, still rooted in place, as the room sprang into action. She fingered the mouthpiece of the headset still secured over her ears, and wondered when their transmission had cut out. What was the last word Debbie had heard from her? Did it even matter? Lou squeezed her eyes shut and pictured Debbie’s face on their last morning together, right before Debbie left for Cape Canaveral at the end of her training. They had searched each other’s faces for truths that weren’t quite ready to spill out, questions that weren’t quite ready to be asked.

“Ma’am?” Another engineer tapped her on the shoulder.

Lou opened her eyes and shook her head slightly to free her mind. “Yep?”

“You okay, ma’am?”

Lou gave the young woman a withering look.

“Uh…” The woman stammered, “J…just wanted to let you know, we _did_ get confirmation from both the _ISS_ and the _Explorer_ that they received our evac orders.”

“Oh.” Lou was having trouble stringing words together, but she _was_ relieved. “Uh…thanks. Good. Thank you.”

The young woman nodded and offered a strained smile, which Lou attempted to mirror as an apology for her brusqueness. Lou felt her hands trembling slightly as she removed her headset and ran a hand through her platinum blonde hair. She leaned against the edge of the desk behind her trying to maintain an aura of cool professionalism. All those years of plotting and scheming back in New York, of conning marks with false smiles and feigned confidence, and now it took all of her concentration to look pensive and concerned rather than terrified. She felt a surge of anger at Debbie for bringing this anxiety out in her. Immediately, she felt utterly sickened by her own thoughts. It wasn’t Debbie’s fault that Lou had called her. It wasn’t Debbie’s fault that she had developed _exactly_ the right technology for what they needed on the Hubble. It wasn’t Debbie’s fault that Lou had decided to call a temporary truce between them these past six months, to coach her through the training, to show up at her apartment and _be_ there. It wasn’t Debbie’s fault that Lou still…still _what?_ Still loved her, Lou thought. _I still love her_. It was, now she thought about it, the most obvious thing in the world.

Lou squeezed the bridge of her nose between two trembling fingers, glad she could pass off this sudden swell of emotion for general anxiety about the situation at hand. Absentmindedly, Lou’s other hand strayed to the front of her black button-down shirt, fisting the fabric over her heart in an attempt to relieve the ache she felt. She hadn’t told her, not since she left Illinois. Back then there had been bitterness and grief in the words, diluting them to something so painful as to send her running away, not just from Debbie, but from herself, too. And when she’d pulled Debbie into this mission, it had been like waking up after some sort of hibernation. Lou had kissed her, had held her, but she hadn’t told her what she felt.

“Ma’am!”

Lou jerked back to the present and looked around to see the same young woman as before standing in front of her. “Got anything?” she asked.

“ _ISS_ Soyuz Pod One, entering atmosphere, Ma’am. We’re picking it up on radar. They’re projected to land in the West Indies.”

Lou acknowledged the momentary pang of disappointment that it was the _ISS_ pod and not the _Explorer_. “Right, okay,” she said, pulling herself together and pushing away from the edge of the desk. “Thank you…” She scanned her brain for the woman’s name, but it was a lost cause.

“Jones,” the woman provided. “Doctor April Jones.” 

“Thank you, Doctor Jones,” Lou said with a forced smile. “Sorry about—”

“It’s fine,” the woman replied. “This is tough shit.”

“Yeah,” Lou agreed. “Tough shit.” Lou’s mind wandered back to Debbie for a second, and she made a concerted effort to focus on the present. “Doctor Jones, you’re a go to contact the incoming Soyuz and authorize a retrieval mission.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Lou watched the woman walk away and found herself alone with her thoughts once more. She was dimly aware that her presence was doing nothing to aid either the rescue mission or the assessment of the damages. It would be better to leave and deal with her emotions than to get in the way. Without looking at anyone, Lou picked up her headset radio and walked down the center aisle of the room, ignoring the sympathetic and nervous glances thrown her way by the rows of scientists and engineers. At the door, she turned to the closest person.

“Ask Doctor Jones to alert me of any new information,” she said firmly, fixing the man with a piercing stare and indicating her radio headset.

“Yes, ma’am.” Lou was out of the door before the man had finished his response. She tried to walk towards her office at something less than a run, but it wasn’t as if anyone would notice if she looked hurried or panicked. Indeed, everyone she passed looked both hurried _and_ panicked. This was shaping up to be the greatest space catastrophe in history, and the fact that there were not – as of yet – any reports of casualties was only due to the communication blackout. Even if the _ISS_ team all made it down in one piece, there was no guarantee that anyone else would do the same. Lou made it to her office and slammed the door behind her before another wave of horror washed over her. She slumped into her desk chair and put her head in her hands, digging her fingertips into her temples until it hurt. The more time passed, the less likely it was that Debbie had survived – that _anyone_ else had survived. She checked her watch: 7 pm – only half an hour since the blackout. A muffled sound from the headset had Lou pulling it over her ears with shaking hands. 

“Mission control, this is Doctor Jones. _Tiangong_ station evacuation was successful. CNSA reporting no casualties. Shenzhou One touched down nine minutes ago. Soyuz One from _ISS_ just confirmed touchdown. Awaiting confirmation of successful evacuation. Rescue team en route.”

A sliver of hope made its way through to Lou’s heart. “Roger that,” she said quietly. Lou kept the headset on and tried not to jump at even the quietest of noises around her, but every sound had her hoping that it would be news about _Explorer._ Each time she was disappointed, and after a while, Lou stopped trying to hope. She tried to feel happy when Doctor Jones reported no casualties from the _ISS_ but was somewhat unsuccessful. She wished there was a clear task for her at moments like these, something to keep her mind from wandering. But there wasn’t. Her job was to make sure everyone else was doing theirs, and she trusted her team implicitly. Lou looked around at her office – plain and drab and barely used. She spent most of her time at her desk in the mission control room, surrounded by other engineers. It was exciting, intellectually stimulating – everything she had ever hoped for in an _honest_ career. Right now, though, it all seemed a bit worthless.

There was one photo in the room, sitting on a shelf next to a framed copy of her Certificate of American Citizenship and her doctoral diploma. The photo depicted a smiling, brown-haired toddler, blue eyes wide as dinner plates as she looked at the camera. The little girl’s hand rested on the head of an enormous boa constrictor, which was coiled around the arms of a naturalist at the Lincoln Park Zoo. They’d gone up to Chicago for Debbie’s birthday, run a simple heist at the Field Museum for old time’s sake – all with a three-year-old in tow. Debbie had snuck the zoo tickets out of a woman’s purse at the hotel’s continental breakfast on their last morning, and Lou could still see the twinkle in Debbie’s eye as she slid them into the back pocket of Lou’s pants, could almost feel the warmth of Debbie’s body pressed up against hers and hear their daughter’s excited babbling. _Come on, baby! It’ll be fun_ , Debbie had whispered. It _was_ fun, and the highlight of the day had been watching Sarah pet the snakes. She had _loved_ them, had spent the entire car ride back to Lake Zurich struggling to say the word “herpetologist.” 

Lou found herself smiling back at Sarah’s photo. She would give anything to have that day back, to have Sarah back…to have Debbie back. One of those things was possible – or _had_ been possible until a little while ago, but now…Lou stared back at the photo for many long minutes, trying ignore the nausea in her gut and the prickling behind her eyes. Eventually, she checked the time again: 8 pm. She had been staring at the photo of Sarah for nearly forty-five minutes. The headset was still quiet; there was no news. Lou exhaled all the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. No word from _Explorer_ since the blackout. The room was so silent she could almost hear her own heartbeat. Lou found herself listening hard, as if hoping that – if she was quiet enough – she might be able to hear Debbie’s, too – somewhere, anywhere. She closed her eyes.

**

_The day was warm – most days were warm in Houston. It reminded Lou of Sydney, and she didn’t hate it. The_ Explorer _mission was coming together nicely. Some new grant money had come through, thanks to Debbie, and speaking of Debbie…Lou saw a familiar figure sitting on the steps by the gym, brown hair shorter than she had ever seen it, but shining all the same in the bright Texas sun. Lou steeled herself and walked over to her._

_“Hey!” she called when she got near enough. She didn’t want to startle her._

_Debbie looked up, and Lou’s stomach dropped at the woebegone look on her face. She looked disappointed – a far cry from the easy self-confidence she usually displayed. “Hey,” Debbie said quietly. She straightened her back and watched Lou approach._

_“Doing alright, Doctor?” Lou asked, sitting down next to her. She saw Debbie’s face cloud slightly at the sound of her title. Lou was already kicking herself for using it, for eschewing Debbie’s name._

_Debbie shrugged. “Not bad.” She averted her eyes from Lou and twisted her fingers together._

_“Fish out of water?”_

_Debbie sighed and granted Lou a half-smile, though she still didn’t look at her. Her eyes were fixed on the giant NASA logo on the side of the command center. “Yeah. You could say that.”_

_Lou nodded and tapped the heel of her shoe on the steps, her legs stretched out in front of her, trying to look nonchalant as though Debbie couldn’t tell when she was nervous. “I wanted to thank you,” Lou said finally. Debbie looked at her, brown eyes challenging and harsher than Lou had expected. “That grant application really saved us, you know?”_

_“You’re welcome,” Debbie said formally. She still looked disappointed._

_“That comm card is truly geniu—”_

_“Look, can we not talk about this?” Debbie interrupted her with an anxious note in her voice._

_Lou fell silent. A part of her told her she should walk away, but she couldn’t help but notice that Debbie’s shoulders had stopped slumping since Lou had sat down. She didn't seem to want Lou gone, she just didn’t want to talk about the comm card. “Okay,” Lou said. They sat in silence for a few minutes, and Lou was surprised at how comfortable it was, almost like old times._

_“So,_ Houston _,” Debbie said with an echo of her signature smirk, “since that’s what I’ll have to call you…”_

_“You – of all people – don’t have to—”_

_“Yes,” Debbie said firmly, “I do. Anyway,” she went on before Lou could argue, “did you have to do this astronaut training deal?”_

_Lou shook her head. “Nah, they were never going to send me up there.”_

_"It’s shit,” Debbie said._

_“Yeah?” Lou asked._

_“Yeah, it’s…awful. I’m not cut out for this. I…well,_ you _know what I’m good at.”_

_“Sure.”_

_“It’s not_ this, _” Debbie said through a self-deprecating smile._

_“Not yet.”_

_Debbie scoffed and rolled her eyes. It felt like a breath of fresh air to Lou. She had missed that scoff, that incredulous eye roll, the way she let her hair get in her eyes. She smiled a real smile at Debbie, and Debbie looked like a deer in headlights. “Lou,” she muttered quietly, dropping her gaze and shaking her head uncertainly back and forth._

_Lou felt the smile on her face fall into something more pensive. “Debbie, it’ll be okay,” she wasn’t sure if she meant just the astronaut training or something more, and Debbie looked equally confused by the words. “Have you talked to Danny?” Lou asked._

_Debbie shook her head and sighed. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I’ll just wait until we get to Cape Canaveral.”_

_Lou nodded. “That’s fair. I…” She paused and rolled the words she intended to say on her tongue before speaking them. “I’m glad you’re talking to me, though.”_

_Debbie let out her breath in a sigh and looked at Lou with both confusion and a glimmer of hope in her eyes. “Me too,” she said finally, as if she was surprising herself with the truth of the confession. “Me too.”_

**

Lou opened her eyes and felt her eyelashes stick together for a second. Her tears had mixed with her mascara, and when she wiped her eyes with her fingers, black streaks appeared on her skin. The makeup seemed to be a lost cause. With a sigh, she pulled open a drawer in her desk and grabbed a facewipe. She kept a supply here for the thirty-six hour shifts when washing her face was the only thing that seemed to keep her awake. She let herself cry into the damp towelette – maybe the tears didn’t count if they were wiped away at once.

Time seemed to be passing in patches, speeding up and slowing down as Lou’s mind raced over memories sharpened by fear. Before she knew it, it was 9:30 pm, and the headset in her hand was still silent. She couldn’t stand the quiet anymore. Lou stood up and checked her face in the mirror on the back of her office door. Her eyes looked slightly red and her face looked pale without her usual make up. She flattened her bangs over her forehead, hoping the fringe would mask some of the emotion on her face. Smoothing out the wrinkles in her shirt, Lou made her way back down the corridors to the mission control room. A few of the engineers shot her sympathetic smiles as she made her way back to her desk, and she mirrored the expressions. The anxiety in the room could have been cut with a knife.

“What have we got?” Lou asked, trying to speak with a commanding confidence that she didn’t feel. She sprawled in her roll-y chair the way she normally did. Even in the midst of her own fears, she wanted to put everyone else at ease. They would work better that way.

“ _ISS_ is practically just rubble from what the telescopes can see,” Dr. Jones replied, eyes fixed on some handwritten notes in front of her. Lou noted that the loss of the Internet was probably making people almost as nervous as the loss of the stations. Modern humanity was far too dependent. “ _Tiangong_ is intact, but falling. CNSA has an alert out to keep all surface stations watching for incoming rubble, just in case it doesn’t all burn up.”

“What’s the station’s position?” Lou prompted.

“Not far from us, actually,” someone answered from the back of the room. “Somewhere over Mexico or southern California.”

“Out of orbit?”

“Hard to tell. We don’t have the necessary satellites to pinpoint the sector, but most likely, yes. CNSA indicated it’s fallen well below 500 kilo—” Something pinged in the corner, interrupting the man’s words. A radar alert was blinking on one of the older screens.

“That’ll be the first of the station coming down,” Lou said, pushing herself off her desk to roll the chair towards the screen. “Let’s see.” She pressed a few buttons and brought the radar report onto the screen at the front of the room.

“That’s the second Shenzhou,” Dr. Jones said suddenly.

“Well, it’s still part of Tiangong,” someone else said. “Probably just activated because of the temperature shift or something.” Lou sighed. It wasn’t typical for a room full of NASA scientists and engineers to be this uncertain and so completely out of their depth, but she couldn’t blame them. These were the sort of events you didn’t plan for. It wasn’t worth it, because when it got to this point, there wasn’t much you could do.

“The pod is close enough for us to tap into the radio,” someone else said.

“You’re a go,” Lou replied, not looking away from the screen. The sound of feedback crackled through the room, but there was something else there, too. A shudder went around the room as everyone recognized the sound of a very real human scream.

“There’s someone in there!” Doctor Jones said. “There’s someone in that pod.”

“Who?” someone asked, but Lou was already grabbing the closest transmitter.

“Track the pod,” Lou said to the room at large. “Get a rescue mission together.” A few engineers hastened to obey her orders as she took a deep breath and spoke into the transmitter. If she couldn’t save Debbie, maybe she could at least save _someone_. “Shenzhou in the blind, this is Houston. Indicate FM frequency. Our radars detect you on a re-entry trajectory. If you copy, please confirm identity.” There was no response but the muffled sounds of labored breathing. Whoever was in that pod was in trouble – overheated, possibly injured, oxygen deprived… _definitely_ traumatized. 

“Velocity has slowed. Parachute must have activated,” Doctor Jones reported. “Rescue mission deploying now from the nearest hospital.” 

“Pod is projected to land in Lake Powell in five…four…”

“This is _Houston_ ,” Lou said again into the radio. “Shenzhou, do you _copy_. Please confirm identity. We’ve deployed a rescue mission to retrieve you. Rescue mission is on the way.” There was only static from the other end of the radio now. “This is _Houston_ ,” Lou said again.

“We’ve lost contact,” one of the engineers said. “The Shenzhou radio is dead.”

“Doctor Jones?” Lou said, swiveling in her chair. “CNSA reported all astronauts evacuated safely from _Tiangong_?”

“That’s correct, ma’am.”

“So, who the hell…” Lou trailed off, rubbing a hand down her own cheek and tugging her lower lip between her thumb and the knuckle of her forefinger. 

“Lieutenant Ocean had a jetpack, ma’am,” an engineer from the back of the room said. “Maybe he avoided the debris and reached the Shenzhou?”

 _Danny_. “He would,” Lou said quietly, trying to keep her tone light. Oh, this was so convoluted. “I have to go,” she muttered, standing up and wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. 

“I’m sorry, ma’am? Didn’t catch that?” Doctor Jones was looking at her curiously.

Lou looked around at the engineers. “I’m going to the touchdown site. When’s our chopper leaving?”

“Three minutes, ma’am, and it’s a plane,” Doctor Jones replied. “You’ll have to hurry.”

“Roger that,” Lou said. She strode from the room without looking back. In the corridor she broke into a run. She could easily make it to the rooftop runway in three minutes at a fast walk on her long legs, but it felt good to run, to let her body catch up to her heart already pounding in her chest. If it really _was_ Danny who had survived, he would at least be able to tell her what happened to the _Explorer_. He would at least be able to tell her how Debbie had…But she was being selfish again, wasn’t she? This was still about the _mission_ , after all.

“Mission control requesting permission to assist with site assessment, sir,” Lou gasped at the pilot as she ground to a halt in front of the small plane whose engine was already rumbling. 

“No problem, ma’am,” the man said, tossing her a pair of headphones. The plane was state-of-the-art NASA tech, and the pilot insisted they could make it to Lake Powell in less than four hours. Lou was skeptical, but she was also desperate. If it _was_ Danny in the Shenzhou… _Don’t let your personal life get in the way, Miller_ , she told herself. But, then again, what did it matter anymore? Almost _every_ satellite was down. There was no substantial space program to worry about now, and if she wanted to worry about Danny or Debbie, she would. She would like to meet the person who would tell her not to at this point. With some difficulty, Lou shoved her lanky form into a seat and leaned against the window of the plane. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing, shutting out the world.

**

Lou didn’t realize she had dozed off until she blinked her eyes open to find that they were circling towards the ground and that her watch read 1:30 am. She adjusted it back an hour to local time and stretched as best as she could in the cramped seat.

“Any news?” she asked the plane at large through the headset.

“Nada,” the pilot replied. “With everything down, it’s taking a while for messages to come through. Last I heard, they’re still looking for…whoever it was.”

“ _Fuck_ , it’s dark out there,” Lou muttered. “We’re losing time.”

“The local med team is sending a rep to our designated landing zone,” the pilot said. He sounded sympathetic. “They’ll fill us in.” Lou stayed silent as the small group in the plane muttered their acknowledgements of the pilot’s words. She watched the ground grow closer in silence until she could see the lights of the plane reflecting off the water of Lake Powell below. Moments later, she winced as the wheels of the plane made sharp impact with the closest thing to flat ground around here – a gravelly piece of shore where bright search lights and neon-clad medical personal dazzled her eyes. As soon as they ground to a halt, the assessment team filed out of the plane and spread out in all directions, looking for remains of the pod itself. Lou stood still looking at the lake, wondering if Danny was already lying at the bottom of it. How long would they search? When would they give up?

“Ma’am?” Lou looked sideways at the medical representative who had approached her. The man looked exhausted, but there was something like relief in his eyes.

“Lou Miller,” she said, sticking out her hand. “Mission Control.”

“I know who you are,” he said with a hint of a smile. “I’m Doctor Gonzalez. I work for the Kitt Peak Observatory out of Tucson, happened to be up here.” They shook hands. “Ma’am, Doctor Ocean will be transf—”

“You mean Lieutenant Ocean?” Lou said sharply. “It _was_ him? He’s alive?” She ignored the panic roiling in her blood. She hadn’t _truly_ let herself believe that Debbie was…but if it really was _Danny,_ then…

Doctor Gonzalez looked confused. “No, ma’am. We…we have nothing from _Lieutenant_ Ocean. _Doctor_ Debbie Ocean _is_ alive. We finally found her about thirty minutes ago. She—”

“Excuse me?” Everything was spinning around her. She couldn’t have heard him right. 

“You weren’t informed? We radioed the plane.”

“Messages weren’t coming through,” Lou said quickly, “Debbie…it’s _Debbie_? You’re sure?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I need to see her,” Lou said firmly. She was vaguely impressed with herself that she was still standing. She could barely hear Doctor Gonzalez’s words over the rushing of blood in her ears.

“She’s being airlifted to the University of Ariz—”

“And I’m going with her.”

His brow knitted. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t—”

 _Fuck this_. “I’m her wife,” Lou said, louder than she meant to.

The doctor’s eyes went wide. “ _Oh,_ ” he said. “That explains _a lot_ , actually, we were wondering why it said ‘married’ on her information, but we couldn’t find a name—”

“Seriously?” Lou interrupted him. “Can I just see her, please?”

“Right, sorry,” he said, “Of course.” He turned and gestured towards a group of people about a hundred yards away next to an already-whirring helicopter. Lou fought the urge to run. Doctor Gonzalez opened his mouth again as if to speak, but Lou cut him off before he began.

“Look, all I’m going to say is we have friends in high places,” she said, “Any piece of information can be omitted if you know who to ask.” He closed his mouth still looking confused but didn’t say anything. Lou rolled her eyes internally at how easily this man – and everyone else – fell for _that_ lie. It wasn’t that friends in high places weren’t useful, but only a hacker in a circle deep underground (sometimes _literally_ underground) could get into the NASA systems and make any changes worth shit without detection. But Lou didn’t dwell on the doctor’s confusion as they reached the cluster of medical personnel surrounding a supine figure on the ground. Her thoughts were on Debbie – _only_ Debbie. Her heart threatened to jump out of her chest as she pushed through to the front of the crowd.

The whole world seemed to condense into this tiny patch of sandy, desert ground as she knelt by Debbie’s side. Debbie’s short hair was damp and matted with sand and sweat. She looked very pale except for a scrape on her right cheek and a few bruises dotting her arms and legs. Lou could see goosebumps appearing on her exposed skin and was glad when someone covered her with a blanket. She was even more glad when Debbie mouthed a weak “thank you” to the EMT. Debbie’s eyes flicked over to Lou and away again, uncomprehending. Lou waited, heart in her throat, unsure of what to say. Debbie’s gaze slowly moved towards hers once again, and this time, their eyes locked.

“Lou?” Debbie whispered.

“Yeah, honey, I…I’m here,” Lou stammered. “You made it.”

“Have something to tell you,” Debbie said. Her voice was cracked, and Lou remembered the scream they’d heard over the radio back in Houston. A wave of sympathy sent tears to her eyes. Debbie made to sit up, but the EMT next to her put a hand on her left shoulder, and Lou reached for her right hand, holding it tightly in both of hers.

“Hey, don’t move, all right?” she said quietly. “They’re making sure you’re okay.”

“I’m…I’m _fine_ ,” Debbie said, but she lay back down.

“Yeah, you’re _going_ to be fine,” Lou said. She ran her thumb back and forth over Debbie’s knuckles, reassuring herself as much as anyone. “I have something to tell you, too, Debs. I lo—”

“You don’t get to say it first,” Debbie said. Her voice was stronger this time, and she was looking at Lou with a hint of the smirk that Lou knew well. “Not after what I went through to get here and say it, Lou. I get to go first, okay, baby?”

Lou closed her mouth over the words she had been about to say and smiled softly at Debbie. “Then say it, Debs, please. Before I beat you to it.”

Debbie fixed her with a gaze that showed not even an ounce of the exhaustion she had to be feeling. “I love you, Lou,” Debbie said.

Lou felt a lump rise in her throat and was suddenly unsure whether she would be able to say the words at all. “I…” she croaked and then cleared her throat. “I love you, too, Debs. I…always. I never stopped. I’m sorry. I—” She watched a tear fall from her eye onto Debbie’s blanket.

“Save it, baby,” Debbie whispered. “I know.”

Lou laughed and sniffed. She brought Debbie’s hand to her lips and brushed a soft kiss across her knuckles. “Must be a hell of a story, Debbie.”

“Yeah,” Debbie murmured. “Yeah, it really is. I…” Her face grew hard as she trailed off. She seemed to have remembered something important. “Lou,” she said after a moment, her voice was suddenly urgent, almost panicked. “ _Houston_ , I’m it. I’m the only one, the sole survivor of STS-157.”

Lou squeezed Debbie’s hand tightly and sighed, letting her head fall to her chest. “Copy that, Doctor,” she managed, realizing the implication of Debbie’s words. “I’m so sorry, Debs.”

“He saved my life, Lou,” Debbie said, tears falling from her own eyes now, trickling down the sides of her face to pool in the sand beneath her head.

“Save it, honey,” Lou murmured, echoing Debbie’s words and reaching out with one hand to cup Debbie’s cheek. “Tell me tomorrow, okay?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Lou said, shifting to a standing position as the EMTs lifted Debbie onto a stretcher. “Or the day after that, or next week, or next year…”

“You’re not…?” Debbie said, clearly struggling to keep up with the conversation.

“I’m not going anywhere ever again, honey,” Lou said. “I promise.” She didn’t let go of Debbie’s hand as they loaded her into the helicopter. No one seemed to be able to gather enough courage to ask Lou to leave her side, so she strapped herself into a chair next to the stretcher, accepted ear plugs wordlessly, and watched an EMT secure a pair of headphones over Debbie’s ears. Debbie tugged Lou’s hand to her chest, and Lou smiled reassuringly at her as the helicopter took off. They couldn’t carry on a conversation over the noise, but Lou saw Debbie’s lips moving in a repeated and familiar pattern: _I love you, I love you, I love you._ Without really thinking about it, Lou leaned forward and kissed her. Lou felt Debbie gasp as she moved her lips softly against hers. The kiss was brief, but when it ended there was a light in Debbie’s eyes that Lou hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“I love you,” Lou said once more, making sure Debbie could read the words on her lips. She brushed Debbie’s damp hair away from her forehead, fingers catching on snarls and gently untangling the strands. Debbie’s eyelids drooped, and Lou was comforted by the steady rise and fall of her chest under their entwined fingers. There would be plenty of time to talk, to process – the rest of their lives, Lou thought. Debbie’s eyes finally closed as she fell asleep, and Lou was almost tempted to keep her awake, keep her _alive_ , but she could feel her heartbeat and her breath and the warmth in her fingers still clutching onto hers. _You’re home_ , Lou thought, tracing the words against the smooth skin just under the scrape on Debbie’s cheek and feeling her own skin tingle as Debbie’s breath fluttered over the inside of her wrist. _We’re home_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Setting: one month later, Houston**

“I always liked this apartment,” Debbie said.

“It’s yours now, too, you know,” Lou called back from the kitchen, admiring Debbie’s silhouette against the windows overlooking the darkening city. “At least until we leave.”

“Yeah,” Debbie said musingly, looking around at the dark wooden furniture and the many-paned floor-to-ceiling windows, “but it’s very you, and it’s nice.”

“Thanks,” Lou said, coming to stand next to Debbie by the window and handing her a glass of wine. “Cheers, Debs. I’m glad you’re home.” Lou kissed her on the cheek. 

“Me too,” Debbie replied, clinking her glass into Lou’s, “Cheers.”

Lou took a sip of wine, but Debbie was staring into her glass with a far-away look in her eyes. “You’re still a wine person, right?” Lou asked.

“Yeah,” Debbie said with a small smile. She took a sip of her wine, and her smile grew into something more genuine. “This is nice.” Lou watched as Debbie rubbed her left wrist where, until earlier that day, a plastic hospital bracelet had rested. 

“You looked like you weren’t sure at first,” Lou said, reaching out to tuck a piece of Debbie’s rapidly growing hair behind her ear.

“Just something Danny said – wine not beer,” Debbie muttered with a shrug. “But it’ll pass,” she added, meeting Lou’s gaze.

“We can talk about it, if you want,” Lou offered. She had heard bits and pieces of Debbie’s story over the weeks in the hospital, but there were still gaps where Debbie’s memories hadn’t caught up. She cupped Debbie’s jaw in her hand and swiped her thumb over her cheekbone. 

“Thanks,” Debbie said with a sigh and grimace She turned her head to press a kiss to Lou’s palm. “But I don’t – not right now. I…” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as though gearing herself up for something.

Lou waited her out. She had seen this routine many times over the past several weeks, and it no longer made her nervous.

“I wanted to talk about _us_ , Lou,” Debbie said finally. “Now that I’m…really back, you know?”

“Yeah, okay,” Lou agreed, curious to know where this was going. They had already gotten through most of the major conversations that needed to happen, and it had gone well. They had decided to try again, decided to find a place to live together, decided to take time off from work – not that there was much either of them could do with the Internet still mostly out of commission. “What do you want to talk about?” Lou asked as they sat down on the couch.

“Before,” Debbie began, slowly and carefully, “I couldn’t imagine looking at you without seeing…seeing Sarah.”

Oh. Lou exhaled and tried not to fidget with the stem of her wine glass. Debbie reached out and tangled their fingers together, and Lou smiled at her gratefully. “I know the feeling,” Lou said quietly, taking comfort in weaving and unweaving their fingers.

“I thought it would always be like that,” Debbie went on, looking into her own glass of wine instead of at Lou and swirling the liquid slowly. “I think part of me wanted you to leave so that I wouldn’t be reminded of her all the time.”

Lou caught a note of despair in Debbie’s voice. She released her hand and brought a finger under Debbie’s chin, tilting her head upwards until their eyes met. “Debs, hey,” Lou said quietly. “I _know_. I see her…see her in you, too.”

“I know you do. I thought it would…would be painful forever, and it is—”

“Yeah, it is,” Lou agreed. “It _really_ is.”

“But I want this,” Debbie said in a rush, “with you.” She sighed. “Seeing her in you now…well, it _helps_.”

Lou looked at her carefully, making sure Debbie was telling her the whole truth, and not just what she thought Lou wanted to here. Lou felt tears prick in her eyes as she noticed the tension in Debbie’s jaw that betrayed the honesty of her words. “It helps me, too, Debbie,” Lou said. Her voice came out slightly choked. “I…I didn’t think it would, when I left, but when I saw you again…” Lou shook her head, unable to come up with words to describe that particular mixture of both pain and relief.

“It was like seeing Sarah again?” Debbie asked, “A little?”

“Yeah,” Lou said. She brought her glass of wine to her lips and surveyed Debbie over the rim through watery eyes. “A little.” Lou took a sip from the glass and then placed it on the coffee table. She took Debbie’s free hand in both of her own. “I want this with you, too, Debbie. I want this _because_ you remind me of her – of _us_ – you know? I don’t really care where we go, what we end up doing, but I want you with me. I do. I _always_ did, even when I thought I didn’t.” Lou managed an abashed smile.

Debbie smiled back understandingly, and Lou saw tears reflecting in her eyes like stars when she tilted her head to sip her wine. Debbie placed her glass next to Lou’s on the table and shifted closer to her on the couch. She disentangled her fingers from between Lou’s and brought both her hands up to frame Lou’s face, thumbs grazing almost imperceptibly over her cheekbones. Lou felt the urge to close her eyes at the touch, to bask in its perfection, but she kept her eyes open, looking into Debbie’s eyes until their brilliance overwhelmed her. Just when she thought she couldn’t look anymore, Debbie closed the distance between them and kissed her with a heat and ferocity that seemed at odds with the tenderness of the past few moments.

Lou was momentarily surprised, taken aback by the abrupt change of mood, but she leaned into the kiss nonetheless, tasting wine on both of their tongues and bringing one hand to the nape of Debbie’s neck and the other to the small of her back. Something was stirring in Lou’s blood that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. She had ached for Debbie for months now – for _years_ , really – but now she was burning for her as she pulled her close. They broke apart gasping for breath, foreheads leaning into each other.

“Woah,” Debbie said breathlessly.

Lou chuckled weakly, running her fingers up and down Debbie’s arms and feeling a shiver run through her at the touch. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” she acknowledged, thinking of the sad, longing kisses they had shared during Debbie’s astronaut training – kisses and tears and sleep and nothing else: no sex, no talking. That intimate, unspoken remorse had been important, but it had no relation to _this_. 

“Yeah,” Debbie said, running her fingers over the lapels of Lou’s blazer. “Oh, baby, I’ve missed you.” She dipped her head to place kisses along Lou’s jaw, back to her ear.

Lou gasped at the familiarity of the electricity that spread from the places Debbie’s mouth touched. “Do we…do we need to talk about this?” Lou asked, forcing her own hands to pause, squeezing Debbie’s upper-arms.

Debbie pulled away and looked at Lou with sparkling eyes. “Of _course,_ we do,” Debbie said, as though it was the most obvious thing, “but we can do that in the morning – we _will_ do that in the morning, because I’m done with not talking to you about things that matter. But right now…” She slowly crawled her fingers to the buttons of Lou’s vest. “…all I know is that I _want_ you, and all I _need_ to know is that you want me, too.”

Lou’s breath hitched as Debbie toyed with her top button, waiting. “I want you, honey,” Lou said, hearing the way her voice dropped to reveal her own arousal.

Debbie popped the top button of Lou’s vest open and leaned forward to place a kiss on the patch of skin she had just exposed. “Then take me to bed, Lou,” she said quietly, tenderly. “Take me to bed.”

Lou moved her hands to gently caress Debbie’s neck. “You’re sure?” she asked.

“ _Fuck_ , Lou!” Debbie exclaimed, pulling her gaze away from Lou’s buttons and looking at her with an exasperated expression. “I’ve never been more _sure_ in my _life_. Are _you_ sure, baby? Because you keep asking quest—”

Lou silenced her with a bruising kiss that seemed to make Debbie forget about both her words and her fingers on Lou’s buttons. She drank in a moan that escaped from Debbie’s throat and then released her to whisper against her lips, “I’m sure.”

“B…bed?” Debbie stammered. Lou got to her feet and pulled Debbie with her.

“Bed,” she agreed, tugging Debbie behind her along the hallway to her bedroom.

Lou took her time with Debbie, unwilling to rely on simply the memory of her. Debbie sat on the edge of the bed, and Lou stood between her legs. She passed her hands through Debbie’s hair and down her back to the hem of her T-shirt. Debbie lifted her arms above her head, not breaking eye contact with Lou as she removed both the shirt and the bralette underneath. Lou watched her own hands travel over Debbie’s exposed abdomen, noticing a firmness and definition to her muscles that hadn’t been there before – not like this. For the first time, Lou fully appreciated how hard Debbie had worked in the months leading up to the mission.

“You look…really good, Debs,” Lou said, brushing her thumbs over Debbie’s nipples. Debbie bit her lip to stifle a moan and leaned back on her forearms to give Lou both a better view and easier access to her breasts. Every touch, no matter how light, had Debbie quivering under Lou’s fingertips. It _had_ been a long time. Lou slid her knees onto the bed and straddled Debbie’s hips, sinking onto her lap and feeling the anticipatory flexing of Debbie’s thighs beneath her own. Debbie sat up straight and brought her fingers to Lou’s buttons once more. She worked quickly, and Lou relaxed under the touch, helping Debbie to slip her jacket from her shoulders, followed by the vest and, finally, her bra. Bare before Debbie’s gaze, Lou’s skin tingled.

Debbie licked her lips and flicked her gaze from Lou’s breasts up to her eyes as she leaned in to take Lou’s left nipple in her mouth. Lou groaned at the sensation of Debbie’s tongue running over her and at the sight of her lips closed tight as she sucked. Lou ground her hips involuntarily against Debbie and felt an appreciative hum against her skin, which only increased her arousal. Debbie released her breast after another few seconds and turned her attention to the other. Lou’s brain could barely string together a coherent thought. Debbie’s hands moved down her sides to the waist band of her pants. Her fingers paused at Lou’s hips, and Lou’s mind slowly de-fogged, noticing that Debbie’s lips had left her skin and that her gaze was now focused on the very faint ivory lines on Lou’s lower abdomen. The heat between them lessened for a moment, and Lou brought her hands back to Debbie’s hair, running her fingers through it reassuringly.

“Sarah,” Debbie whispered in a cracked voice, tracing one of the marks with a reverent finger. 

“Yeah,” Lou said.

Debbie looked up at her with her brown eyes filled with tears once more. “I forgot,” Debbie said, “I forgot about…about this.” She laid her warm palm half inside Lou’s pants, flat against her skin. Lou moved one hand to press over the top, remembering how they sat like this, years and years ago, when Sarah was no more than a pea-sized lump of cells. Lou felt an ache grow in her chest – the same feeling she had carried for two years. But it felt different this time, because now Debbie was staring back at her with the same emotion painted across her face, the same tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Lou pressed her own hand so hard against Debbie’s that the pressure against her abdomen actually hurt, and she knew she must be crushing Debbie’s fingers. She also knew it was right, though, as Debbie’s other hand pulled her into an embrace, pressing bare skin to bare skin. Debbie rocked both of them back and forth, slowly and steadily feeling the wave of grief crash over them and then ebb away.

Lou took a deep breath as she pulled away from Debbie’s embrace at last. She kept her close, still gripping Debbie’s hand on her stomach, but she needed to see her eyes again. Lou raised her free hand to Debbie’s face, tracing her cheekbone, her jaw, her lip. “So beautiful,” Lou murmured, unsurprised to hear a rough quality to her voice.

Debbie smiled and kissed Lou’s fingertips as they swiped again over her mouth. “You too,” she said through a sigh. “So beautiful.” Lou felt her pulse quicken and heat rise in her cheeks at Debbie’s words. Debbie’s hand twitched under her own, now rubbing slow circles against the sensitive skin just inside her hip bone. Lou shifted her own hand enough to undo the fastening of her pants before reaching for the waistband of Debbie’s leggings.

“Off,” she muttered, tugging at the elastic. It was suddenly very clear to Lou that their clothes needed to go, that she needed to feel Debbie’s naked body against her own even if that’s _all_ that happened. Lou shifted off of Debbie to remove the rest of her own clothes as Debbie removed hers. Free of all barriers at last, Lou lay on her side and pulled Debbie next to her, bodies flush together from shoulders to ankles – impossibly close, as though they could melt into one another.

“I never thought I’d be with you again,” Debbie murmured into Lou’s neck. She stroked her palm firmly down Lou’s side to her hip and tugged gently as she rolled onto her back. Lou took the hint and shifted to lie between her legs with her right hand keeping her securely above Debbie and her left tracing invisible spirals across Debbie’s chest. Debbie arched her back into the touch, tilting her head back onto the pillow. Lou bent her head to Debbie’s left breast and curled her tongue around her nipple, which rose and hardened against her mouth.

“I missed you, too, honey,” Lou murmured, pausing between the kisses she was now leaving down Debbie’s abdomen. She shifted herself inch by inch down Debbie’s body, and each time her lips brushed Debbie’s flesh, her entire body trembled. “I forgot how sensitive you are,” Lou said, looking up from Debbie’s hip to catch her gaze.

Debbie hummed a quiet laugh. “It’s been a _long_ time.” Her fingers came up to tangle in Lou’s hair.

“Never again,” Lou said, moving a few inches lower. She could smell Debbie’s arousal, and it almost made her blush to note that the scent made her mouth water. “I’ll never leave you again.” Before Debbie could reply, Lou pressed the flat of her tongue against her. Debbie cried out, and her palm pressed into the back of Lou’s head. Lou saw her other hand fisting the sheets, and she moved her own up to grasp at the clutching fingers.

Lou would have happily spent all night between Debbie’s legs, but she still craved the warmth and closeness of Debbie’s body pressed against hers. Even so, she didn’t hurry. She waited until Debbie was whimpering and gasping under the soft movements of her tongue, then she moved up her body in one smooth movement and let her hand take over from her mouth, rubbing slow circles over her and waiting patiently for Debbie’s eyes to find hers. When they did, Lou was captivated for a moment, completely forgetting the words she was about to say. Debbie’s lips were slightly parted, and a hint of pink could be seen dusting across her cheekbones. Her eyes were hooded and dark enough for Lou to lose herself in their depths.

“Baby?” Debbie murmured before Lou could find her voice. She raised a hand to brush Lou’s bangs from her eyes and rolled herself against Lou’s hand. 

Lou cleared her throat, the movement against her fingers reminding her of the question. “Do you want me inside?” Lou asked, before she could become too hypnotized by the flutter of Debbie’s eyelashes.

“ _Yes_ ,” Debbie replied immediately, almost cutting across Lou’s words. “Please, Lou.” As she rolled herself once more against Lou’s palm, Lou slipped two fingers into her. She felt a groan rumble in her own chest as another soft cry fell from Debbie’s lips. Lou kept her fingers still, not wanting to overwhelm Debbie or – God forbid – hurt her, but Debbie was already canting her hips into Lou’s hand. Lou nuzzled her face into Debbie’s neck, finding a spot at the base that she remembered for its sensitivity. Debbie’s hips twitched as Lou’s teeth grazed over her skin. Lou smiled as she pulled away, looking once more into Debbie’s face.

“Good, honey?” Lou asked.

“Don’t you _dare_ stop,” Debbie said, clutching at the wrist supporting Lou’s weight and groaning when Lou buried her face in her neck once more. Lou moved slowly, encouraged by the steady thrusts of Debbie’s hips. She could feel Debbie’s muscles tightening around her fingers and tasted sweat on the pulse point below Debbie’s jaw.

“I’ve got you,” Lou whispered in Debbie’s ear as she shook beneath her. “I love you…I _love_ you, Debs. I’ve got you.” Lou pulled back enough to see Debbie’s face. Her eyes were fluttering open and closed, and her cheeks were flushed. Her slightly parted lips seemed to pull Lou in, and Lou kissed her as her body pulsed to stillness, swallowing a hum of contentment that vibrated in Debbie’s throat. Lou removed her fingers slowly and brushed them over Debbie’s sensitive swollen skin, entranced by the way each touch elicited ripples and twitches in Debbie’s body.

Debbie broke the kiss with a sigh that made Lou laugh softly. Lou shifted onto her side to lie next to her, head propped on her right hand, her left skimming up and down Debbie’s abdomen and chest, leaving a trail of moisture in its wake. Debbie caught Lou’s wandering fingers and brought them to her mouth, kissing and sucking each of them in turn. Lou watched her, unable to look away. How could she have ever left? She chided herself again and knew she would be asking herself the same question every day for the rest of her life. And yet…

“You’re blaming yourself again, aren’t you?” Debbie asked once she had released Lou’s fingers.

Lou winced at Debbie’s perceptivity and knew that the twitch of her lips was as good as a nod to Debbie. 

“Don’t,” Debbie said, running her fingers through Lou’s hair. “ _Please_ don’t. It was a mistake, Lou. We know that. But I’m here now, okay? And so are you.”

Lou blushed and sighed. “I’ll try, Debs. I will.”

“I know you will,” Debbie said, “and so will I. I almost gave up, Lou, you know that? I tried…I tried to die.”

Lou closed her eyes at the admission. She had suspected it, but Debbie hadn’t said the words so blatantly before.

“But…but I didn’t,” Debbie went on, now tracing Lou’s face with her fingers. “And I’ll tell you about it one day, when I can remember it better.”

Lou opened her eyes and smiled at her. Debbie smiled back. The expression made Lou remember something. “Hey, I have something for you,” she said.

Debbie’s eyes twinkled, and she ran her thumb over Lou’s bottom lip. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Lou turned over and pulled a small box out of her bedside table. She hesitated and then held it out to Debbie, deciding it was better for her to open it. “Here.”

Debbie took the box and flipped opened the lid. She smiled as she pulled out the contents. “You found mine, too?” she asked, holding both rings in her palm.

“Yep,” Lou said. “Found it at your apartment when I moved your stuff over here.” Lou reached out to take her own ring from Debbie’s hand. “Cried my eyes out over it, actually,” she added matter-of-factly, sliding the gold band over her finger and flexing her hand.

Debbie pushed her own ring onto her finger and held her hand next to Lou’s. “Of course, you did, baby,” she said, “You’ve always been soft.”

Lou grimaced good naturedly and nestled her head onto Debbie’s shoulder. Her ring-clad left hand rested over Debbie’s heart. After many long minutes of stillness, Debbie turned her head and planted a soft kiss on Lou’s forehead.

“Baby?” Debbie said, as if checking to make sure that Lou was still awake.

“Yeah?”

Debbie reached over with her right hand and stroked her nails down Lou’s side. Lou shivered as goosebumps rose under her touch. She moaned quietly into Debbie’s shoulder. Debbie’s hand moved around Lou’s hip, grazing the sensitive skin of Lou’s inner thigh. Lou felt her pulse quicken.

“Debs…” she said quietly, the word turning to a moan as Debbie’s fingers stroked through the wetness between her legs.

“My turn, baby,” Debbie said, pushing Lou off her and onto her back. Lou melted under her touch and lost herself in the soft caresses of Debbie’s arms, Debbie’s fingers, Debbie’s tongue…

**

Lou was awoken by a soft cry the next morning. Debbie was curled against her, shoulders trembling every so often, face hidden in Lou’s chest. On some level (many levels) Lou had expected this, knew that the things Debbie had seen would haunt her, but it didn’t make the sight easier to bear. Lou could feel Debbie’s lips moving against her skin, mouthing words that Lou could hear only as incoherent whimpers. Lou waited, stroking Debbie’s hair. Perhaps the nightmare would pass, and Debbie would awake or fall back into the deep sleep she so obviously needed. Lou felt tears beneath her own eyes as Debbie’s cries tore her own heart to shreds. For the thousandth time, Lou remembered Debbie’s scream filtering through the Shenzhou radio. It had chilled her blood before she even knew it was Debbie, and remembering it now with the full knowledge that it had been a raw expression of Debbie’s pain…well, Lou found herself thinking about it far too often.

“Debbie,” Lou said finally when she couldn’t bring herself to wait any longer. “Debbie, wake up.” She stroked her hair, fingers rubbing down the planes of her scalp. Debbie stilled for a moment and then woke with a gasping sob that spoke of both relief and residual terror. Lou rocked her back and forth, wondering how many times Debbie had awoken like this in the hospital without Lou there to hold her. The thought made her cling tighter. “You’re safe now, honey. You’re safe,” she whispered, voice breaking. “I’m here, Debs. I love you.” And she kept saying it, over and over again just to be sure that Debbie understood. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

At last, Debbie stopped shaking and lifted her tear-streaked face from Lou’s chest. “I fucking hate space, Lou,” she said, in an admiral attempt at humor. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Fucking _hell_ ,” she muttered.

“I’m so sorry, Debbie,” Lou murmured. She planted kisses across Debbie’s face, tasting salt and feeling tacky stickiness between their cheeks where the remains of her own tears adhered to Debbie’s. “You can talk if you want, you know? If it helps.”

Debbie grimaced. “It’s hard to know what to say. Something about being up there…it’s so unnatural that your memory plays tricks on you. I remember _walking_ – on the _Explorer_ , on the _ISS_ – actually _walking_. But I couldn’t have been walking. It’s like having a phantom limb, and it makes you question _everything_. I remember spinning – when I was adrift – spinning and seeing nothing and feeling _nothing_ , but I don’t know if it was real, I don’t know, I don’t _know_ …” Debbie let her head fall back onto Lou’s chest.

“Is that what you dreamt of?” Lou asked. “The spinning?”

Debbie’s hair tickled Lou’s collarbone as she shook her head. “No,” she murmured, “I saw them dead again – Shariff, the rest of the crew in that goddamn shuttle. They’ll be up there forever, Lou. For _ever_. Until the sun supernovas, I suppose. And Danny…” Debbie drew a breath that sounded almost like a death rattle in her tortured throat. “Danny will float forever in that spacesuit, until his bones are dust.” Lou’s stomach turned at that image, and she understood the panic in Debbie’s voice.

“Forever is a long time,” Lou said quietly, “Forever is…it’s scary.”

“Yeah,” Debbie said, “Pretty scary shit.” She took a deep breath, and Lou felt her exhale flutter against the gap between her breasts.

“You’re never going back up there,” Lou said. Debbie’s shoulders relaxed slightly at the words, which Lou took as a sign to keep talking. “You’re going to spend the rest of your life with your feet on the ground, walking with _me_ , Debs.”

“Keep telling me, Lou,” Debbie murmured, “Tell me.

“I promise,” Lou said, rubbing soothing circles on Debbie’s back, “I promise.”

“I love you.”

“Keep telling me, Debbie.” Lou echoed Debbie’s words and felt Debbie smile in response.

“I love you, baby,” Debbie said, pulling back to look Lou in the eye. Her smile was watery but brighter than the sun.

Lou smiled back and laughed quietly. “We’ll be okay, Debs, whatever happens next.”

Debbie nodded. “I know.”

“And for now, honey,” Lou said, tracing Debbie’s hairline with her finger. “For now, we can take as much time as you need to just…be together, okay? As much time as you need. We’ll stay here, just like this, and you call the shots, honey. How does that sound?”

Debbie sighed and nestled closer to Lou. “It sounds perfect, baby,” Debbie murmured, eyes falling shut once more. Her expression was peaceful now that the panic had faded. She yawned sleepily. “Perfect.” 

**

“What do you think of moving back to New York?” Debbie asked a few weeks later at breakfast, sitting across from Lou at the kitchen table. 

Lou narrowed her eyes and looked across at her over the rim of her mug of tea. “I’m listening,” she said slowly. There was a glint in Debbie’s eye that she hadn’t seen in a very long time. 

“Do you remember that ass Claude Becker who almost screwed me over?” Debbie said casually, picking up her toast and nibbling at a corner.

“That one who tried to get you thrown in prison?” Lou said with raised eyebrows. “The one you _slept_ with because you thought he was just another mark? The one who was the reason we decided to _get the fuck out before it was too late_? That Claude Becker?”

“That’s the one, yes,” Debbie said, smirking at Lou’s description.

Lou glared at her, trying to ignore the rising curiosity in her chest. “What about him?”

“Well,” Debbie said, running the tip of her finger around her tea cup and carefully avoiding Lou’s gaze. “I…I might have a plan to…get him back. It’ll be more of a…” She seemed to search for the right words for a moment. “…side effect. The payout itself will be worth…well, let’s just say that’s the real _goal_ here.” 

Lou choked on her tea. She sputtered and coughed for a moment, all the while gazing at Debbie’s impassive features. “You want to get back in the game?”

“Did I not mention that?” Debbie asked innocently, batting her eyelashes. 

Lou rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue into her cheek, waiting for an explanation.

Debbie smiled smugly. “Can you still get a credit line?”

“Debbie, it’s been ten years, and – in case you’ve forgotten – _we’ve lost the Internet_.”

Debbie’s expression turned cold and distant for a moment. “No,” she said quietly, “I haven’t forgotten.”

Lou winced sympathetically, but she still didn’t answer Debbie’s question. “What’s it for?” she asked instead.

Debbie scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Lou mimicked her, and Debbie’s mouth twitched.

“It’s jewels,” Debbie said finally, knowing that Lou wouldn’t engage the conversation until she knew more. “Big, bling-y, Liz Taylor jewels.”

Lou leaned forward and looked hard into Debbie’s eyes. “I’m interested.”

Debbie mirrored her action, leaning across the small table. “Good,” she said, placing a brief kiss to the corner of Lou’s mouth. “I thought you would be.”

“How much credit do you need?” Lou asked.

“Twenty-grand.”

“How long do I have?”

“A year and nine months.” The speed of Debbie’s answers was unnerving. Lou wondered when she had thought it all out. Knowing Debbie, it had probably been percolating for years, and a hospital stay where she had repeatedly been told to think herself into a “happy place,” well…Lou knew what that meant. 

“And where’s the job?” Lou asked. She was intrigued, but she was trying not to let Debbie see just how _much._

“The Met.”

“What? _The_ Met. Seriously?”

“Yes, Lou. Seriously.”

Lou narrowed her eyes again and sat back in her chair. “How many people?”

“Seven – well, _eight_ ,” Debbie corrected herself, “Technically, eight. I have a few more contingencies to run through before I’m certain. You still have contacts in the city?”

Lou rolled her eyes. “Of course.” She held Debbie’s gaze once more across the table. Debbie slowly chewed her eggs, waiting. “Why do you need to do this?” Lou asked finally.

Debbie’s expression shifted to something more serious and reflective. “Because I’m never going back to that hospital in Illinois,” she said, “because I’m never going back up there…” Lou caught the hint of a heart-wrenching plea in her voice as Debbie flicked her gaze skyward. “…and because…” Debbie sighed and cocked her head, a paradigm of mischief. “…because we _both_ know that this was _always_ what I was good at.”

Lou felt her mouth twitch into an involuntary smile. “Tell me one thing, Debbie,” Lou said, leaning forward to tuck a piece of hair behind Debbie’s ear. “Is it a good plan?”

Debbie grinned and nuzzled Lou’s palm. “Oh, baby,” she said. Lou’s pulse quickened with the promise of a new adventure. “You know it is.” 

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for coming with me on this wild ride! I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on Instagram (hope_savaria) <3

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make me smile! :) :) :)


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